So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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