I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
