i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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