I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
