i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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