it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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