tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
