I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
