pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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