Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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