So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
