life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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