I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
