Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
