He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
