we made out on top of his cat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
