Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
