to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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