Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
