I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
