I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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