So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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