Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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