I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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