I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
