I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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