I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
