i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
