Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
