i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
