Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
