You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
