I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
