She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
