I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
