hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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