If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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