If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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