My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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