I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
