if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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