Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
