Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
