My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
