I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
