Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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