Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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