I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
