He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
whose parrot is this?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
