lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
