hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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