is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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