I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
foreskin is a definite game changer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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