Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
