I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
