Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
