i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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