The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
