I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
