my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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