My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
