Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
