I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The air taste purple.
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