did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
