I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
