my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
