i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
