he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
