he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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