TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
