don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
